Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
