made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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