ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
