If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
