Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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