The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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