at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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