It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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