dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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