He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
