nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
we're so committed to being not committed
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