who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
