Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
sarcasm needs its own font
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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