We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize