for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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