Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
should my penis look like a turkey
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
