Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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