My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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