I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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