saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
