i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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