best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
