You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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