I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
