So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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