She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
