is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
