if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
