That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
