I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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