I love black thongs
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
whose ass print is on the piano?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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