We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
