can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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