Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
