Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
