I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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