i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
