i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
