Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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