I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
