Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
