Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
