let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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