Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
