Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
