how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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