And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Randomize
