I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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