I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
