Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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