All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
