people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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