So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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