Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
