I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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