I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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