filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
