i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
