and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
