cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize