You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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