am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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