K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
