i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize