Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i already hear my dad disowning me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
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