I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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