Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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