It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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