when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Let's paint friendship bongs
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
