and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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