Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
