I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
