Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
