somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
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